Archive | September 2019

Sometimes I want to pretend . . .


“Give justice to the poor and the orphan;
uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute.
Psalm 82:3

Much of what is happening in the world brings me distress. I grieve over the lack of justice, the dishonesty, greed, and coverup of corruption in our government. Worse than that are the easy answers to complex issues, apparent blindness, or avoidance of issues which many fellow Christians seem to practice, along with the blindness we have to our own issues.

Sometimes, I want to close my eyes to it all. But I cannot. I’ve always been a questioner. I believe God likes us to ask questions. It’s a necessary part of growth. I never want to stop growing. These are some of my current questions.

What does it mean for me to live out my faith in today’s world? What is faith and what is not faith? How can faith become a solution, rather than a coverup of guilt? In what practical ways, does love overcome fear, giving me the power to reach out in compassion rather than hide? Where can I find hope strong enough to sustain us when I am misunderstood or attacked or abandoned?

These are challenging questions. I don’t presume to have all the answers. I’m attempting to address them in my current book. Because I need more time to focus on them, I am sending out blog posts less often. I hope you will pray for me, as I continue to work on this book.

God has given me the ability to process inner conflicts through journaling, writing poetry, and creating song lyrics. These are what I will most often post on my blog.


 Sometimes I want to pretend 
 That no one ever dies,
 That life is like a fairy tale 
 That ends with happy smiles—
  
 If trouble comes it will not last 
 More than a day or two,
 If I just have faith enough,
 That trouble soon will go—

 This doesn’t often work for me.
 Does that mean I lack faith?
 Or could it simply be the fact
 It’s impossible to escape—
  
 To flee from the realities
 Of injustice, hardship, pain?
 It’s true I can deny these things,
 But I child, I will remain.
  
 Wrestling with uncertainty,
 With questions long unanswered,
 Seeing desire, again, unmet
 While injustice has prospered—
  
 These are some issues I must face
 If I want to mature.
 Am I willing to take a risk,
 Or must I always feel secure?
  
 Sometimes I want to pretend 
 That no one ever dies,
 That life is like a fairy tale 
 That ends with happy smiles.

 A faith that can’t stand challenges
 Is not what faith’s about.
 The God I know and serve, today
 Handles my fear and doubt,
  
 Hears my ranting, sees my tears,
 And always stays engaged,
 Does not always tell me “why”
 Yet my sorrow is assuaged—
  
 Not by simplistic platitudes
 Or an un-thought rebuttal
 Spoken by some scribe of his
 Who sees me very little—
  
 Not by quick assurances
 That things will be “okay”,
 But by the presence of the Spirit
 Who never goes away—
  
 He is un-describable,
 Mysterious in his ways,
 No words can describe him,
 I can only give him praise.

 Jane Ault 
 9/19/2019
   

This entry was posted on September 20, 2019. 6 Comments

The Joyful Rest of GRACE

Since we have been made right with God by our faith, we have peace with God. This happened through our Lord Jesus Christ, who through our faith has brought us into that blessing of God’s grace that we now enjoy.
Romans 5:1-2 NCV)

As a Christian, I’ve struggled for many years to overcome a tendency to live according to law instead of grace. Early in my life, I imagined it was possible for me to live according to God’s commandment to love him with all my heart, mind, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself. If I worked hard enough, I could do it with perfection.

Gradually I realized that I neither understood the meaning of that commandment nor the difficulty I would have in following it.

Today’s poem reflects my struggle, the understanding I’ve gained, and the joy I’ve found. It’s an ongoing adventure.


 I read in God’s word what he expected of me
 In my pride, I imagined I could do it.
  
 But the virus of sin took control of my flesh
 So when temptation came, I failed the test
  
 Every day, I fell short.
 In numerous ways, I blew it.
  
 I despaired until I learned this:
 I can rest in Jesus’ merit.
  
 Every day, I compose
 New songs of joy and victory!
  
 What was impossible for me to do, he accomplished
 To recognize this truth brings me freedom—
  
 As, with joy, I put aside prideful independence
 And align my heart with his word and his Spirit.
  
 Then, I can do what pleases God.
 It, also, pleases me.
  
 Every day, I compose
 New songs of joy and victory!
  
 I read in God’s word what he expects of me.
 And in the power of the Spirit, I do it.
  
 Not yet with perfection, yet sufficiently;
 I’m a child of grace and will keep growing.
  
 By his Spirit, God will bring me to maturity.
 This is the promise he’s given me.
  
 Every day, I compose
 New songs of joy and victory!
  
 9/5/2019
 Jane Ault 
This entry was posted on September 6, 2019. 6 Comments