Sometimes I Walk in the Light . . .

 



Yesterday, I spent a few hours with a sweet friend of mine. This friend is not highly educated; she is much younger than I am; and by some people she might be considered”disabled.” But I enjoy her company. She’s very creative, emotionally and spiritually sensitive, courageous, and delightfully “real.” She’s also very generous, eager to help in ways that she can, and quick to volunteer.

Because I spend so much time reading, studying, and writing about rather “heavy” topics, I need people like her in my life. I need them to remind me that I’m made of the same stuff. I need them remind me that  I must take time for relaxation and fun–that I need to put my books down, turn off my computer, and sit on my deck, doing nothing.

It helps me, also, to remember what my father told me. “You can get too educated,” he said. He was not against education; he was a life-long learner, always curious, not afraid to ask questions, and not too proud to say “I don’t know the answer”; he was not intimidated by anyone more educated than himself.

What did he mean by the phrase “too highly educated”?  He was referring to the attitude of arrogance that those of us who have several degrees can easily assume. Sharing my struggles and failures, not just my success stories, helps me to keep humble. I hope, also, that this helps you who read my blog posts to identify with me.

Like my father, I am a life-long learner. Like him and like everyone else, I am made of dust. “Sometimes I walk in the light; sometimes I’m afraid in the night.”

I’m not ashamed to admit that I still experience struggles–that I lack perfection; neither can I deny the fact that, by God’s grace and with the help of fellow believers, my faith is much stronger than it was when I wrote the following poem (1984). 


SOMETIMES, I WALK IN THE LIGHT

Sometimes, I walk in the light;
Sometimes, I’m afraid in the night.
Sometimes, my faith is all-right;
Sometimes, I still have poor sight.

Sometimes, I suffer deep pain
Of fear and anger repressed;
Sometimes, through poems I write,
Feelings are owned and expressed.

Sometimes, I suffer the guilt
Of sins I fail to confess.
Sometimes, I know true joy;
With forgiveness, You choose to bless.

Sometimes, I walk in the dark,
Afraid of what light will reveal.
Sometimes, I walk in the light;
Then, Oh Lord, you can heal.

Sometimes, I cling to the law,
And my fears greatly increase.
Sometimes, I trust in your grace;
Then, my spirit knows peace.

Sometimes I suffer alone,
Fearing shame for what I feel.
Sometimes, I share with a friend;
Then, more truth you reveal.

Sometimes, I hide my tenderness,
And no one knows I care.
Sometimes, I cry when others hurt;
Burdens we both share.

Sometimes, I want to make believe—
Pretend the battle’s done;
But Lord, don’t take me home
Until the victory’s won.

Jane Ault 1984 

10 thoughts on “Sometimes I Walk in the Light . . .

  1. Jane your blog posts always help me. Thanks for them and for your heart to want to bless so many people with your wisdom.
    When I was home schooling a few years ago I came across a quote that I loved and I wanted to share it:
    “Education gives you information and facts; but wisdom gives you principles, solutions and answers. Man has education; but God has wisdom.”
    Thanks for sharing your God given wisdom!!

    • Thank you for encouraging me, supporting me, and sharing YOUR wisdom, Rose. I like your quote, and I’m very thankful for God’s eagerness to give wisdom to all who desire it:”If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking”(James 1:5 NLT).

  2. I love these thoughts, Jane. I really love that poem. Thanks for sharing from your heart. It is good to know we are in this struggle together.

    • Sandy, thanks for letting me know that my poem was meaningful to you. Being open about my struggle is scary, but I feel rewarded and happy when I receive a message such as yours.

  3. Jane: You have discovered the value in being a well-rounded person. You pay attention to all the dimensions of your being, doing your best to take really good care of everything God gave you. I’m sure He’s very pleased with you and your efforts. You are a great example that I need to follow.
    Thank you for your wonderful posts AND poem.
    Debbie

    • Thank you for your comment, Debbie. I’m grateful for the grace God has shown toward me; I can boast only in Jesus.

  4. Jane, I so enjoy your writing, your poems and your heart!
    Thank you again for refreshing us with the reminder of the joy of just being who we are without pretense, without defense.
    Be still and know….

  5. Thankyou,Jane, for today’s thoughts. Fresh new day to spend with Jesus. Strange summer for me, grieving the loss of two dear friends, one a faithful believer….& one smart, but I’m not sure…..
    I’m so thankful for your transparency in the poem. You nailed it. I’m pondering your words. And you’re so right about ‘too educated’. I too play & relax with children of God who show me their generous lives in ways I deeply love ❤️ ……

    • Thank you for your response to my post, Judith. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your friends; two in one summer would be hard. May God bring you comfort and peace.
      About my transparency: it’s both easy and hard to for me to be transparent–easy, when I’m before Jesus, knowing that he will receive me; hard, when I’m in public, not knowing what kind of a reception that I’ll get. My temptation is to “look good”.

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