Married and Becoming More Married

John and Jane at Cliffs of MohrAt the breakfast table one morning this week, I said to my husband, “we got married forty-eight years ago, but we are more married, now.” He agreed. I’m guessing, however, that I need to explain the phrase “more married.” It probably doesn’t make sense. People are either married or not married, Right?

No, not exactly.  On the day that, in the presence of our families and friends, John and I said “I do” and “I will” to one another, we were legally married. We loved one another and were committed to one another, but I knew very little about him, and he knew even less about me. Compared to the relationship that we have today, we were rather loosely connected. I’m thankful that we are no longer living at our starting-point level of maturity. The connection that we now have is much more solid; it’s rock-solid, and we could not be easily broken apart. That’s why I say that we are more married.

We are so well connected that we often know what the other one of us is thinking without even opening our mouths. We’ve grown in our relationship and because of our relationship. We’ve affected one another in very positive ways—and continue to do so, experiencing the truth of Proverbs 27:17 (NCV) —“As iron sharpens iron, so people can improve each other.”

What has produced the solidness in our marriage? For one thing, we have spent a lot of time talking together—sharing our hearts and resolving our conflicts. But that is not the primary “glue” of our rock-solid union. The primary reason that we are so solidly connected is that we pray. We pray with each other and for each other—every day. We also pray for others; this helps us from becoming inwardly focused.

Prayer is so powerful because it connects us not only with one another but also with God. He is the source of our love. “God is Love” (I John 4:16). When both of us are getting our love-tanks filled up by God, John and I are able to focus more on what we can give to one another than what we can get from one another. God is also our source of wisdom. When John and I are both relying on his wisdom, we don’t get into arguments. I don’t tell John what to do and he doesn’t tell me what to do. Instead, we go, together, to God, and he tells us what to do. When we both align our wills with God’s will, we have total agreement and peace in our relationship. We can make decisions with ease, and making plans is fun.

Because (through prayer) John and I have our heads and our hearts connected to Jesus Christ, we are more married than we were forty-eight years, ago. I expect that tomorrow we shall be even more married.

4 thoughts on “Married and Becoming More Married

  1. I am more and more impressed by John and You, Jane, and your marriage! This totally makes sense with me…as Ken and I pray together daily for each other and for our friends and family memebers! It draws us so much closer and helps us air our differences in a way that God is included in our concerns. He helps us weigh out our needs and desires in His presence, whichj helps us to live the life He’s called us to. Not to say we don’t disagree. But with His help, we work through our disagreements faster. Thank you John and Jane for being great mentors and lights in our marriage and life! John married us 37 years ago! What a blessing it is to continue down this road with you both in our lives! <3 And I do believe we too are more married now than we have ever been! In a good way!
    ~ <3

    • Thank you Corinne! I’m so grateful that God brought you and Ken to Potsdam, so that John and I could be a part of your lives. You are dear to us, and it gives us great pleasure to know that your marriage is grounded, through prayers, in God’s love.

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